Kingdom Hearts ~ A Metaphor for Life

The Nova Nexus - Part One - 
Kingdom Hearts ~ A Metaphor for Life

Growing up, I had normal, blessed childhood. Life was good. When I was 7 years old, I kept seeing these oddly intriguing trailers for a game I’d never heard of. I saw a young boy wielding a key, traversing worlds with the iconic duo of Donald and Goofy at his side. Coupled with the enchanting music, a connection was born. I don’t remember ever specifically asking my parents for this game, but they could tell I wanted it. On Christmas Day, 2002, I opened our last present with my little brother. This one was for both of us. I wasn’t too keep on sharing a present at first, but soon enough a brand new PS2 sat before me. I opened the box, and Kingdom Hearts was sitting on top. I picked up the game, turned it over, and felt something I had never really quite felt before, in any facet of life. I felt a thrilling rush of inspiration and excitement. I couldn’t wait to dive into this magical and mysterious world. And then, the loading screen appeared. Sora stood with a reed in his mouth, feet in the sand, introspectively looking out to the water and off into the horizon as Dearly Beloved methodically played in the background. It was a slow and beautiful, yet tragically sad melody, like someone full of hope was looking for something they had lost. Sure enough, Sora is ripped from his home world, his parents, and his two best friends, cast into everlasting darkness.

As I got older, life got tougher, as it typically does. I’m not here to throw a pity party; I simply want to be open and honest. My parents split when I was young, I switched schools a few times, I dealt with some insecurities (as we all do,) and I went through a rough breakup. One that I caused by being a jealous, over-protective, insecure and psychotic asshole. But I wanted to play the victim, so I dug myself into a hole I can barely believe I was able to crawl out of. I allowed my heart to be consumed by Darkness and doubt. I turned my back on my friends, burned bridges with people I cared about, and hurt my mom, my dad, and my brother in the process, entirely losing sight of who I was. Doesn’t sound like someone who won “Most Likely To Brighten Your Day” in high school, does it?

At this point, I had evolved from a Heartless wretch into a shell of the loving kid I once was. I was a Nobody - a vessel filtering pure Darkness and self-hatred. I blamed others for my spiral and things only got worse. I started doing drugs until I became full blown addicted, blowing hundreds if not thousands of dollars on them. I had severely throat inflammation which I stupidly assumed was cancer, so instead of seeing a doctor for a professional opinion I let the problem get worse and worse. I was smoking and drinking constantly, fighting with my dad, I didn’t have a job, and I crashed 2 cars in 2 months. I was a complete and utter wreck.

But my friends and family never gave up on me. They remembered the nice kid I used to be. A pure beacon of light. The dove into my own personal Realm of Darkness and pulled me out. Just like all the people who fought to save Aqua from the pits of despair, who banded together to awaken Ventus, to break the chains binding Terra’s soul - just like how RIku risked it all to save Sora from eternal sleep and loss of memory, and how Sora traversed the ends of the Earth twice to be reunited with his best friends. They never gave up, and when things seemed hopeless, they fought for me.

They saved my life.

They pulled me back into the Realm of Light, and helped me stay there. They never stopped fighting to bring me back, even when they had every right to. If that doesn’t represent the true power and nature of the heart, I don’t know what does.

I started facing my fears and diving into my past, confronting my demons. They’re apart of us, and yet their own separate entity unto themselves. I ran from all these beautiful and wholesome memories I had developed as a kid because I was depressed things weren’t the same anymore. To that mentality, I said no more. I was going to value every single one of those memories and remember the love I had received from the beginning of my life. I was going to use the power of these memories to propel my future. There’s no point in being sad over something like that. Things change. The least I could do was begin mending these relationships with my friends and family that I had severely damaged. They shared their light. Now it was time for me to give it back. I started being me again.

Slowly, but surely I started becoming myself again. I could look people in the eye without feeling guilt or existential dread. I could connect with people at a genuinely deep level and share in the experience of life that we endured together. I could let my walls down and express emotions to a degree, though I’m still working on that. And that’s okay. One step at a time.

I started doing things that my old self would have done. I started watching boss battles of Kingdom Hearts II; I fell in love with Aqua’s journey through the Dark World in 0.2 A Fragmentary Passage, and I became entranced by the mysterious Master of Masters and his 6 Apprentices. I attended the Kingdom Hearts Orchestra in LA in 2018 and it was an incredible experience. I felt like I had a heart again. I studied the lore, and meditated to the music. I developed theories (which I’ll post here.) I got into something I cared about and devoted time and passion to it. This god damn video game hits me in the heart, and makes me remember that light and love still persist in this world. That friendship and memories do hold true power, and can be utilized to conquer any kind of darkness. Light always wins.

I’m 24 years old now. Do I really want to give up? Or am I going to fight to survive, to make lasting memories with people I care about, and fulfill a meaningful purpose in this world? Would I at least TRY to redeem myself for my dark past? That’s the life I want to pursue.
There’s always time to change, and improve. You are in control of your life, nobody else. The world is scary sometimes, but the light is real. You just have to look in and find it. I want to be who I know I can be. So just be you.

Light and Darkness offer a balance. Don’t falter to one side. Be a steady, level headed part of that balance. We all deal with sadness, doubt, and misguidance, be we also possess a light that can never, ever be extinguished. It’s always a part of you, and can never be taken away. Remember that. No matter what you’ve been through, just know that I love you. And other people do too.

Chase the light, and don’t run from the Darkness. Face it. Because in the end, we all fade to the light (or darkness) eventually. It is, after all, the ethereal essence that binds us to together and makes us, us. Life is eternal, but it is also ephemeral. You can either do something with it, or not. That choice is up to you. But the world isn’t going to be here forever. So what are you waiting for? Go pursue your own personal journey and craft your dreams into reality. I know you can do it, because I’m doing it right now.

Good luck to you on your path, my fellow Seekers of Light. If you made it this far, thank you, sincerely.

Nova out.

Max Nova 2/25/19